DISTANT HORSE HOOVES

Post on 31/07/2025

The wind suddenly changed direction. On the sea surface, large clouds piled together, forming a high wall that blocked the sun. Its massive gray shadow fell into the sunset.

The weather is slightly cold, the beach is sparsely populated. On the beach, Van trembled as she found a towel and quickly wrapped it around herself. Her teeth were chattering together as she beckoned me up.

- Why are you in such a hurry to go back? - I told Van when we were at the end of the row of pine trees where the footprints chased each other in the sand leading back to the hotel. - If we don’t swim then let's go up the mountain for a walk. - Looking at the sunset, I said regretfully.

I held Van's hand as we crossed the sandy beach near the pine tree row on the fishing boats lying close together. There must be a storm coming as the fishermen did not sail today. We climbed the hill. Above the high mountain, the seemingly obscured sun still slanted away from the thick layers of clouds in the west, illuminating the mountain cliff with a straight streak of sunlight. The mountain peak shone brightly in the dark shadows of the sunset wind and clouds. Suddenly the pine trees hissed, the wind rushed past and dark clouds started pouring down water. I pulled Van's hand and ran, our silhouettes blurred in the rain. Van stood next to me under a canopy of palm leaves at the foot of the mountain. It was raining heavily, lightning tore through the sky, casting light on her pale face. She trembled.

- Let's go, we are already wet anyway! I'm so cold standing here.

We left the palm fronds. In the lightning, the folds of the leaves looked like a small, wet hand. Rain, wind, darkness poured down on the road leading down to the bottom of the hill. The mud was slippery under our feet. After a while, unable to go down, I had to lead Van back up the hill to the palm fronds. It still rained relentlessly, and my body began to tremble.

A flash of lightning flowed down from the cliff, winding its way through the lonely, wet stone steps leading up to the towering peak. Plop… Plop… The sound of rain falling on leaves along the ravine echoed into the gloom. Knock… Knock… Knock… The sound of the gong sounded like dry leaves falling from the top of the mountain, followed by a sad, miserable murmur. The sound of prayers was indescribably upsetting. In the gradually fading aura of a life force, penetrating the cliff, it revealed the vitality of a fiercely tormented consciousness… A certain predestined force urged us to follow the stone steps to the top. Passing the large bamboo tree, we timidly walked up the stone steps under the curved roof of an ancient temple. We looked inside. The oil lamp shined calmly and gently, isolated in the midst of the dazzling thunder. Some flickering incense sticks respectfully cast their little spots of light on the Buddha's face, which was silent in thought and darkness.

- Please come in! - The voice of the woman kneeling under the Buddha statue echoed weakly. - I'm waiting for you guys. Please come in and go to the next room on the left. Put more firewood on the stove and warm yourself. Then come back here… - Her voice faded away.

We returned in dry clothes. The nun sat on the bench, her back leaning against the column, her arms resting on a rattan pillow. She was very weak. She signaled us to serve ourselves. The water had a rustic, acrid taste. The nun began to tell. In her, the waves of memory were so strong, they rushed across the border of the present - and there, the present became a thin, blurry silhouette of nostalgia leading back to the past. Her voice was mixed. Because I want to respect the unusually sacred aura of her story about the deceased, I take the liberty of keeping her confusion intact.

- I don't have much time left! - She spoke in a weak yet poised voice. We clearly saw how hard she had to try. - First of all, I would like to thank you for your presence here, it is Buddha who has blessed me. The chronic heart disease that had been tormenting me for months suddenly became worse last week. Yesterday afternoon, while I was trying to chant the sutras, a severe pain suddenly came and destroyed the last vitality in me. From that moment I knew my life was only counted by hours. If I die, I will be the last one to bring my family secret down to the grave. I was really anxious and worried. Duty is like a heavy mountain in my heart, I cannot say bye to this life in peace. I chanted the sutras sincerely and prayed to Buddha, hoping that he would send me the messenger of life. This morning, passing through the temple gate, like every time I saw the clouds of morning dew mixing with steam rising from the mountainside, straight into the clouds, I got more impatient and desperate. Death kept rising from my toes, now my fingers were all numb… The closer death comes, the more awake I am to pray. I tried to resist a peaceful death, a death that shakes off the dust of life… And then the mystery came, it was true that those who sincerely prayed would receive it… I clearly heard every step, every breath of yours even when you were still at the foot of the mountain. With Buddha's blessing, I waited for your arrival. - She stopped and breathed heavily.

- This temple belongs to my great-grandmother from seven generations ago. It was bestowed upon her son by the King. - She suddenly turned her eyes to the door, staring into the boundless gloom. In an instant she became a completely different person, her respectful face turned into a silent block of stone… - Seven generations! Oh, seven generations have passed! Oh, my great-grandmother. The great-grandmother of our family… - It seems that she has turned into her great-grandmother from seven generations ago...:

“That afternoon was like any other lonely winter afternoon. Blue smoke sadly roamed the fields, it gloomily lingered on thatch roofs, wrapped around piles of straw and obscured the entire village's bamboo mounds. The gloomy winter afternoon pervaded the people of the countryside, who were suffering from the dull aftertaste of a monotonous life far away from great events. Suddenly, the horse hooves rushed, a large cloud of dust followed the marching army and rolled into the village. Flags were fluttering and drums resounded through the village. Everyone rushed out to welcome the tired but majestic warriors. The army’s arrival stirred up the dull afternoon. Throughout the village, people lit cooking fires, the unruly laughter of the brave warriors soared and then fell with the shy, lullaby-like welcoming whispers of the girls.

-Mom, we're out of straw!” My eldest daughter called from the kitchen. I went out to the haystack.

“Hey you!” - The call was like a deep, hidden thirst. I turned my back. Oh God! I could not believe my eyes: The majestic and heroic general of the army was rolling the hem of his tunic.

- May be I'm a rude person for coming here unexpectedly. Please forgive me. But I can’t help it. You are so beautiful. You are truly a… I can't resist the vitality in you… I… I want… you… you to understand me. - The general's eyes had lost their resolute expression; they were swaying with each of his heavy and nervous breaths. I just stood there stunned. An attraction, an indescribable force kept sweeping me away… I couldn't say a word… He appeared as if it was something that should be done and had to be done. His arms were strong and soft like two green bamboo stalks, he carried me to the foot of the straw pile. The earth and sky were spinning, the pile of straw was crumpled. His breath was filled with fire and smoke. His clothes were full of sand and burnt dust.

- You are beautiful! So beautiful! - The warmth from his breath blew over my shoulder. How fierce he was!

Then there was a trumpet signal. He just had time to bite my shoulder to say goodbye and then and then walked away like a whirlwind. The horse hooves pounded. I jumped up, fixed my hair and clothes and rushed straight to the bamboo mounds. In the rising dust cloud that already obscured the marching army, I could only see his graceful figure leading the way.”

“To preserve the family law, according to tradition, let’s execute these two disgraceful and corrupt women to set an example for others. Look how humiliating these unwed pregnant women are!” That was the verdict of the village chief. Two unmarried girls, who were known to be the most beautiful in the village, were five months pregnant by two soldiers on the same day the army passed by.

- Humiliating? - The girl in the peach silk shirt screamed. - It's more like the shame of you men. I despise your stupid meekness. I fell in love with him. I gave myself to him because it was deserved.

- Do you expect fidelity from us? - The girl wearing a silk blouse cried and shouted angrily. - Besides going behind the cows, what else have you done to claim the reward of our virginity? Nothing! You only confined us to preserve your selfish pleasure.

- Execute them immediately! - The village chief shouted. - One last favor for you. What do you choose: hanging or drowning?

- Drowning! - The two girls unanimously replied.

- So you two want a long, painful death?

- No! Those are drops of our quintessential blood. Hopefully there will be a kind country that will deliver and protect our children.

At that moment, the five-month-old fetus in my belly suddenly moved, with extraordinary vitality. I burst into tears. Oh my beloved baby, I will preserve you my precious blood to the end. You will grow up and you will be exactly like your father! A brave general and a real man. On a horse, you will gallop like flying through the wind and dust. You will never be a part of this village, where people can only hold a stick to expel the chickens and spend their whole lives staying at home, without any passion and dream. Oh my beloved man, how strong and warm you are! The moment I spent with you will never fade away, it is the seed of my life. You only appeared once but it felt like forever.

She gave birth to a strong and healthy son and she named him Vu Tuan. He was excellent in both academic studies and martial arts.

“I was to say goodbye to my only son. That’s what a real man does. I understand that great things must be done with great sacrifices. I wiped away my tears and sadly followed his muscular shoulders and sturdy legs as he crossed the fields and went straight towards the capital. Back then, he had just turned fourteen years old.”

Then, troubles came again, enemies arose from all directions. Vu Tuan emerged as an outstanding general. Where he went, the enemies gave up. His horse's hooves became a terrifying obsession in even the most remote frontier battlefields. Then the society became peaceful again. The king awarded Vu Tuan the title “the most courageous general” and gave him 10,000 acres of land in his hometown. At home, during the grand welcoming ceremony to celebrate the King's noble title, when the prime minister was presenting the reward on behalf of the King, my great-grandmother suddenly blacked out. When she woke up, she called Vu Tuan, her husband and a village dignitary.

“First of all, I would like to apologize to you because I am not a virtuous wife of yours.”

“My lovely son! At the peak of glory that you deserve and we are happily enjoying, I have to tell you the truth. It is a sin if I don’t do so. It feels like something is blocking my heart. Because you, you are the son of a brave general who passed our village years ago. I don’t know his name. But I know that your father is a brave and noble man.” She fainted right after she finished her words.

Everyone was stunned. The elders and dignitaries in the village met in secret and came to a decision. An excellent healer was called to the village by the elders. He chased all the family members away from my great-grandmother’s bed and declared:

- We have discussed and decided that: Her confession is not necessarily the complete truth. However, we appreciate her brave action. She did what no one else could do, she sacrificed all the glory for the truth. However, there is a truth greater than her: Overcoming the chastity bondage, which was created to manipulate teenage boys to maintain discipline when it comes to sex, she gave birth to a brave general. Vu Tuan is now not only her son, he has become a symbol of the village's glory. Between two truths: Her lost virginity and our brave hero, we choose the second one. As for you, please just keep quiet and let the truth speak for itself.

She remained silent. That year finally passed, the following fall, my great-grandmother suddenly left home and went to stay in the mountains. She asked for land from the King, spent money to build this temple and became an abbot here.

“I have just been ordained by the king. Now I’m here to invite you to come to the capital with me to enjoy peace and prosperity. I don't want you to die alone in this isolated place.”

“Come home, Vu Tuan, I'm happy for you, you are the greatest honor of my life. I always want to be with you. But I've decided that I have to pay for my mistakes, my passion and my creativity.”

When my great-grandmother was about to pass away, the head of my family stepped up and asked:

- Do you have any requests for your family?

- This temple is a blessing to our family. After I die, if possible, a woman in our family, after giving birth to two children, should voluntarily give up her life to come to this temple and become an abbot here. That is my biggest wish. I want my penance to last forever.

Unfortunately, the next generations of my family only gave birth to sons, there was no daughter. Therefore, my great-grandmother set a family law: Her secret can only be passed on to the woman who succeeded her as the temple's abbot. In case there is no successor, it can be passed on to outsiders. She said “Don’t let the men know the secret because they don't understand us. And because they are not present in our unique virtue.

Now that she is dead…

The nun suddenly stood up. I could clearly see that she was no longer herself, she was completely transformed into her great-grandmother. She knelt in front of the Buddha statue:

- Dear Buddha! For nearly thirty years, I have never stopped regretting my mistakes. And today, I want to receive the blessing from you, the only that can forgive me. But how will you forgive me? It’s impossible… Impossible because you are too pure. You are never bothered by anything, even the slightest dust. I loved him, I made mistakes. For nearly thirty years, I have paid for my misguided love. Dear Buddha, I have to admit to you another sin of mine: If I was ever reincarnated, I would still run to his arms. I love him with a burning passion. With him, it was never something physical or sexual but a burning desire in my heart, a desire that can refine me and make me braver. Dear Buddha! I hope you understand and forgive me for my mistakes and even non-mistakes. After all, I’m just a human. I can't stop loving and I can't stop making mistakes. Dear Buddha!

After these words, the nun fell down.

- Is there anything that we can help you? - We awkwardly asked as we helped her get up.

- Of course! Let me die in peace! - The nun breathed heavily and said. - The rain has stopped. Please go home! Thank you! - She laid her head on the pillow, breathing heavily.

The moon was bright. Without saying a word to each other, we climbed down to the foot of the mountain.

Neighhh… Neighhh…

A horse-drawn carriage drove up from the sand and passed us. The horse’s galloping sounded both heroic and relaxing. Suddenly I felt Van’s hand stretching inside mine. Her eyes followed the carriage that was going over the top of the hill, right where the crescent moon landed. A moment of indifference, a feeling of shame welled up in me. I was embarrassed when I realized that my hand wasn't much bigger than Van's hand. I looked down at my feet and saw the crescent moon had landed on the tip of my shoe because the polish was annoyingly shiny. I moved my feet on the ground, it was so smooth, there was not any pebble.

- Let go of my hand!

Neighhh… Neighhh…

I looked down at my feet, how pathetic I was.

Neighhh… Neighhh…

The sound of the horse echoed from the other hill, it soared above the sound of the ocean waves. It echoed far away as if it came from the middle of the ocean.

 Paul Đức 21/12/1992

Translated by Đặng Linh Chi

https://www.paulnguyenhoangduc.com/post/vó-ngựa-xa-xăm-1